Cold Feet: My mid-college crisis

I feel the need to get out of these following places in my life:
College Park, Maryland
The Korean American Christian bubble (all my friends are either KA or xtian)
A narrow-minded second generational view of how the world works.
Satisfying myself with whatever I can eat, mind-draining teleprograms, and daydreaming.
Prideful sense of self-righteousness by which I cannot explain... why?
Desensitization to human suffering.
A life-ruining addiction that is as pleasurable as it is disgusting to me.
AMERICA as I know it...

A lot has changed since high school. I know I'm being pessimistic right now and these are the types of entries you look back on and wonder what was I thinking? I didn't know I could sound so retired...
But, honestly... Life's kind of scary.

• Do I feel cut out for being my school campus ministry's VP? Not at all.
  
• I feel like an alien at church sometimes. The only times I "feel" I fit in are when I'm serving. Shouldn't I feel comfortable at church without "having to serve"?
  
• Losing touch with my non-xtian friends in my life is miserable. If I lose them all, then this Christian bubble will have turned into a Christian dungeon. What have I done?
  
• I have more bible knowledge than I know what to do with it! What can I do with it to help society?
  
• My college education?! Sociology? Government & politics? Secondary education? Go to seminary? But when? Where can I get a grip on things and figure out what to do?
  

In the end, this is half of a complaint to God that I don't deserve to make. But, you know what? Hiding your fears is doing an injustice to God because that says He isn't enough to care about you or take care of your problems.
And, the other half is a serious prayer request that I have for you if you read this...
What am I doing with my life and where do I draw the line between being satisfied with where I am and taking a risk by starting a new adventure in an entirely new place?


Maybe it's cold feet,
Brendon

P.S.- Jesus... if it wasn't for You living in me (Gal. 2:20), I'd be a goner by now. Thank You.

P.P.S.- Maybe this is what happens when you take one of my greatest joys (running) away from me for 6 weeks. I go BALLISTIC and SCREAM for deliverance. Hahaha. I laugh in the face of fear.