My confession is that one of the greatest sins I deal with is infidelity. Or, at least, my heart will go through many moments of unfaithful desires.
Let me explain...
My explanation
I wake up every morning feeling a little trapped in my life and I've figured out why over time. It's not that I don't love Christ (He's the love o' my life) or I don't love church (it's my favorite place to be).
It's the fact that I look to my left and there is Korean Campus Ministry (KCM), the xtian fellowship I'm passionately involved with at school.
And, I look to my right and there is the Church of Philippi, the church I've been attending and falling in love with.
But, I have to wonder how I ended up with not one but two wives and why do I feel like the 40-year old husband who's being choked to death by marriage in his life? All I want is a little breathing space from "churchy stuff" and it's making me sick inside and I hate that I sometimes sinfully think like this.
My friend in Houston, TX right now (God bless her heart) is selling books door-to-door. She called me earlier this evening and we had the most honest and fun conversation ever.
One of the things we talked about was motivation. All her book-selling co-workers are these religiously dedicated hearts would walk on burning coals and cross deserts if that meant achieving their life goals.
That's how dedicated they are to doing something.
They have this desire to not be ordinary in life.
I think I've lost that motivation in my life right now. My life has been officially CHURCHed. Everything I do is "churchy" and the only place I know life is at church, on the way to church, back to church, or at school doing church stuff. I love KCM. I love Philippi. If you know me, you know just how much I love those two places.
But, when did I start feeling trapped in a "Christian dungeon" and is it okay to feel trapped and want a little break from "churchy stuff"?
My Savior
To my relief, and my friend's too, I believe it is.
I see Jesus Christ working in my life to remind me that He exists outside of "churchy" things and it's OK to take a break. Thanks for lovingly teaching me this, God. Why are we (humans) so blind sometimes?
Refreshing Realization
What I finally said to my good friend in Houston about our Christian bubble:
"I think people find themselves in a bad place when the only Jesus they experience and see is at church and with Christian-related things. When we stop finding Jesus in the world outside of church, it makes us sick because we love Jesus that much. We want Him everywhere (not only in church). This knot we're in is really bad because it cuts us off from relating to the world in a lot of ways and also relaying Jesus' message to where people need to hear about Him."
Her kindred spirited reply:
"I totally get you. Don't ditch KCM or Philippi, but you need something outside of this.
God is everywhere. He's not just at KCM or Philippi."
I have not heard sweeter words than this during the past several months. I LOVE kcm and philippi, but I need to venture more outside of this small bubble.
God is everywhere in everything~~~
Before my friend headed to Houston, she stopped in Nashville, Tennessee for a book-selling training session. In Nashville, she talked with other people about how God has to do with the most random things.
How does God have to do with someone's nursing occupation?
How does God have to do with dancing?
How does God have to do with Iraq?
God is relevant everywhere you go. Not just at church. He has to do with everything one way or another. It's brilliantly amazing.
On one hand, I'm finally understanding the root of all my immature hatred for KCM and Philippi. On the other hand, I'm even more encouraged to love all the people I meet in my life, at KCM and Philippi first, and then anywhere else after that.
The apostle Paul first started loving people and sharing Christ with the Jews at synagogues, and then he deepened his ministry by extending himself to non-Jews in the city areas.
Apology to You/you.
World, I'm sorry for not having reached out to you in deep and genuine ways outside of church.
Church, I'm sorry for loving you and hating you all at once and feeling tempted to ditch you and spend time solely with the world.
God, I need You to help me balance loving members in the church and extending this love to others in this world.
Reader, I'm sorry you had to hear me ramble about this for so long but I needed this.
God genuinely loves you,
Brendon
Singing 2 Blocks Down the Road
All of my life is to sing the new song I've been given, Jesus Christ.
I may sing it in a major or minor key.
The tempo may be allegro or larghetto (fast or slow).
I may play various instruments like the clarinet or guitar.
There may be no one watching or a world watching.
But, my new song is always Him.
I desire to sing this new song in a new area.
I've been singing Him on the same street corner for how long?
Everyday, it's the same people walking by me, the same stores behind me, and the same scene for me.
Well, I'm moving 2 blocks down the road and I'll be singing Christ there.
I need a new scene and it's something to keep me sane and make me remember that
Jesus... Well, you are frankly everywhere to me.
"Sing to the Lord a new song,
his praise from the end of the earth,
you who go down to the sea, and all that fills it,
the coastlands and their inhabitants"
(Isaiah 42:10 esv).
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3 comments:
mm.
Apologies, kind sir. I did not want to write that I can't relate to these feelings that you have regarding over-churchiness (just made that word up) of life. That would've been my comment. Although I did reflect on that kind of life a bit, I'd say I would struggle too in an overchurched life. Mm was definitely too vague though.
To answer your question regarding teaching my kids Taiwanese, aside from practicality there's reason to do so, in my humble opinion.
Chinese Mandarin is exactly what it is named. It was pushed upon Taiwan to learn, to be taught in the schools. There was no venue to learn Taiwanese for the 2nd generation besides their parents or grandparents. So why take something that was forced onto Taiwan rather than what was originally "made in Taiwan" -Taiwanese? I feel it's a greater appreciation of the land to know how to speak its original tongue (withholding the aboriginal tongues) before China came in and infringed on everything.
I was never formally taught Taiwanese (unless you count those slack-classes after church when we were younger at the old church). But suffice to say, I think a basic understanding of some Taiwanese would be good for my kids to know. That way, when people call them Chinese for speaking mandarin, they have some evidence that they're not from the mainland. Some Taiwanese pride is involved in this, natch.
it sounds like you're doing a ok. only if more ppl struggled through monotonous christianity to be crazy for God. Thanks for the reminder.
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